Circle of Life

Sometimes things come up in life that direct your thinking toward life's meaning. Am I living as well as I should? How am I spending my time? Am I anxiously engaged in a good cause? Will I have another chance to prove myself? Will I do well with that chance?

I'm not dying, at least not that I know of :-), but few of us really know how long we have left on earth. Whenever you see or hear of someone who is given a length of time to live, you hear of them becoming the people they were always afraid to become, doing things they were always afraid to do...and if by some miracle they survive, their lives are all the better for living and doing and being for the time they believed they were nearly through with this journey. What would I do if I had a limited time left? If I knew I only had a certain amount of time, how would I spend it?

Maybe I should think about working a little harder to become the person I hope to be...you never know how much time you have left- and even if it's many, many years, wouldn't I rather live it knowing I was living it well?

I don't know what I'd change- I certainly wouldn't beat myself up about not having the baseboards cleaned...though I've been doing a fair amount of worrying about it ever since this afternoon when I began cleaning them and didn't finish.

I wouldn't need to go in and cuddle my babies- I did that at bedtime. I even had an extra few moments with Katie where she just laid on my chest while I rocked her and stroked her hair and face. I thought as I held her, 'this is perfect.'

I'd dance with James, but we did that quite a bit off and on yesterday in the 'new room' we've created together- he built the wall, I painted and decorated- it's really peaceful and just what I had hoped.

I'd laugh and sing and play...just like I did in preschool today when I watched Tyler singing his little heart out and thought, 'watching my child happily singing is what joy is all about.'

I'd cheer on Logan and tell him how wonderful I think he is...but I was able to do that today when he walked in after school and shared his excitement at earning a prize from the policeman at school because he was the only student to recite the safety poem they were given last week.

I'd hug my sweet Luke, but I send him 'I love you' wishes as often as I can throughout the day- and I know he hears me every time...and for right now, I truly find peace in knowing he's near and that he's safely working while waiting for us in Heaven.

I guess what I'm realizing is that I really live a charmed life. My dream life. I have everything I want and the things I want that I can't have right now I truly believe I'm working to achieve. I'm not perfect by any means, there's tons of room for improvement. And I love improving- I love planning- I love trying to be better. I also love knowing that tonight at the end of the day, even if this was the last one, it'd have been a great last one. I hope to live each day from here on out in a way that would allow me to think this as my head hits the pillow:'if it had to end today, today was a great one to end on.'

When I first saw this picture I thought it was a sunrise. I read the caption and realized it was a sunset. I guess that's kind of what this post is all about. When the sun is setting on one part of life, it's rising in another- we just have to take advantage of the chance a new day offers...and make it a great one to end on...

Gardenias for Breakfast

I love gardenias. I love the scent that floats on the air when they're nearby. I love the softness of the petals. I love the pure white of the flower and the deep green of the leaves that surrounds them as they grow. I can't remember the first time I encountered this dreamy delight, but I do remember a few choice moments gardenias were present.

The first time that comes to mind was when I was presented with a corsage before attending a dance with my darling husband to be. He knew how much I loved them, and made sure that I had one to adorn my wrist. All evening I floated on air as I danced with this man I loved so dearly, a man that was willing to love who I was and who I wanted to become...a man who didn't treat me like any girl, but who treated me like me....like HIS girl. It makes me giddy to think about that night- and to think about the sweet perfume that surrounded me as we danced. So much to look forward to, so much to appreciate...at this moment I knew everything was perfect, and I would remember it forever.

The second time that comes to mind was when I was jogging with my darling little boys in our 'cadillac' double stroller on an Air Force base in Alabama. I chose a different path every day for our little jaunt, exploring my new surroundings as I went. The air was sticky- the warmth you can only feel in the south that envelops your body the moment you step outdoors. It felt cozy, and happy. I pointed out birds, squirrels, airplanes, etc. to my sweet little almost one year old boys, and then as we neared the golf course, I breathed in and felt it. The air was filled with gardenias...they had to be nearby, I was certain. I couldn't breathe in enough...I kept walking until I found it- I was in awe as I saw the gorgeous gardenias were in full bloom. I had never seen a gardenia growing on a bush- never seen them so lush- never smelled them so fragrant. They were better than I imagined they could be. I appreciated that moment as I stood there, and as I close my eyes I can feel it as if it's happening at this very moment. I can smell the scent of the blossoms, hear my darling little boys sniffing the air to share with me in the joy I found, feel the warmth of the sun on my arms and face, and remember my thoughts: this moment is perfect. I will remember it forever.

I found a book as I was wandering in the library. It was titled "Gardenias for Breakfast." My love for gardenias made it a 'must borrow.' As the story of a woman and her daughter traveling across the country visiting long lost relatives unfolded, I thought of the many women in my life who have taught me and affected my life. There are many. At the end of the book, it offers the question, "what beautiful quality have you been given from two women in your life?" My thoughts immediately went to my mother, a Beauty of Service. Next, my grandmother, a Beauty of Laughter. I was led further in my thoughts to other women- a Beauty of Strength, a Beauty of Unconditional Love, a Beauty of Grace, a Beauty of Loyal Friendship, a Beauty of Understanding. I'm sure there are many more that my mind has yet to uncover. I am grateful for my life- for the many people who fill it. And I am grateful for my dear gardenia memories. I hope there are many more to come.

Work for It

I love this old water pump. I don't necessarily enjoy all the mosquito bites that are inevitable from getting the water from here...but I love the idea of actually pumping the water. It's not often that we have to work for water, but after I have had to 'work' to get the water, it makes it all the more satisfying to use...and I'm much more careful with how I use it. I love the feeling of accomplishment that comes from working for things. I love checking off boxes. I love going in a room after I've cleaned it to review my work. I love looking at 'to do' lists I've completed.

A dear friend of mine is on a quest to become a 'classy lady.' Personally, I think she has lots of class, but I was intrigued when she suggested a 'Classy Lady Challenge.' There are a possible 10 points each day, one point for each item. Sunday earns the challenger 10 points regardless of her behavior. The items are:
1. No eating after 8 pm.
2. Drink 48 oz. of water a day.
3. Exercise for 45 min. a day.
4. No soda or snacks that aren't good for you.
5. No sweets. (I rarely earn this one by choice.)
6. Read scriptures for 15 min. a day.
7. Write in your journal.
8. Complete one random act of kindness.
9. Eat 2 fruits and 2 veggies each day.
10. Get 7 hours of sleep each day. (Naps count.)

As I've done this challenge, I am noticing how good I feel on the days I get more points. I can only imagine how I'll feel if I can actually earn 10 points a day! I'm averaging about 7 points right now, and in all honesty I'm really proud. I am so grateful for friends that encourage me to do better....to actually work. Sometimes not eating after 8 is serious work. Sometimes doing that final 15 minutes of exercise is serious work. Sometimes finding another vegetable to eat is work. Sometimes resisting one chip off my son's lunch plate is work. But when I accomplish that 'work' I always get a little thrill. "YES! I passed!" I love passing the test. We're doing our challenge until May 1. If I feel this good a few weeks in, I can only imagine how I'll feel when some of these points have become habits. For now, I'm grateful to check off boxes...and to know I'm progressing...even if only to get a real view of where I stand on each item. (Who knew that you could read so much in the scriptures in 15 minutes...or how little water I actually drink each day!!) Thank you, Laura, for starting me on the path to classiness. Cheers!

Follow the Leader

I had a dream last night that I was driving without using my gps. I was happy, singing to the radio, and then after a while decided I'd been driving for quite a while and should be there by now. I pulled off the road only to find out that I had two cars following behind me- and they were rather upset when I told them I didn't know where we were or the address of where we were going. I didn't know I was leading!!

Well, the more I thought about this, the more I realized...we are ALWAYS leading. Someone is usually following us...kids, family, random people we don't realize are watching our example, etc. So where are we leading them? Do we know where we're heading? I'm going to try harder to make sure my 'gps' is on (aka my ability to receive inspiration from the Holy Ghost) so that no matter who is following, I know I'm leading myself and them toward becoming more like the Savior.

Just Breathe

Hawaii is one of those places that you can't help but get a glimpse of Heaven. Everywhere you look there is a breathtaking vista! This is the 'Blowhole' located on Oahu. There's a large hole in the rock that extends over the water. When a wave comes in, the hole fills with water, and then at the last moment this huge mist comes shooting out the top. It's really fascinating to watch!

It makes me think of how often those waves come crashing into us- we don't think we can stand it, but we do...and then at some moment usually after the fact, we let loose- everything that's been bottled up tries to shoot out at the same time...and it does....and then it subsides...and finally there's peace. We breathe. We realize we're strong enough to handle even the toughest 'wave.' And we are. We were made to survive. We are made to LIVE. Heavenly Father has created us to learn, to live, to experience, and to trust.

Next time something comes crashing into us, take a moment to remember it'll all subside eventually. For now, your job is to breathe.

Clear the Mist

I've always been fascinated by water- I love the sound of it trickling in a stream, love to watch it race down a river, love the view of the ocean, etc. Water has the ability to cleanse, to save, to generate power, to sustain life.

As I watched this water pour over the side of Niagara Falls, I was fascinated with the awe-inspiring sight. The longer I gazed at the view, the more I noticed the mist. I found myself wishing it would clear so I could see the water falling behind it. Every now and then the wind would blow allowing a glimmer of what the mist hid to shine through, but I was never able to appreciate the entire view at one time. I decided instead to focus on the beauty I COULD see...the water not hidden by rising mist.

It made me think about how in my own life I'm often focused on the mist rather than the beauty in front of me...the blessings I CAN see...the blessings I CAN count. Often so much is going on that we can't get a clear view of how blessed our lives really are. What if I could really comprehend the many, many blessings that surround me and not even acknowledge the mist- the self-imposed worries, the trials, the things I allow to get in the way?

So, my thought for the day: Focus on the spots where there isn't any mist, appreciate them, and have faith in the good that's hidden behind the mist...the blessings just waiting behind the trials. Eventually the wind will blow enough for you to appreciate what's behind the mist as well.

Sweet Tastes of Heaven

*Hugs from my sweet baby girl
*Listening to her say 'mama' and squeal with delight when I play with her
*"Thanks Mom"
*Splashing in the puddles in a rainstorm today with Tyler
*Holding hands
*Dancing to our "favorite songs"
*Tickling my kiddies when the line "touch of a precious child" comes on the radio during our song 'Chicken Fried'
*Eating dinner together
*Reading stories
*Listening to my Jedis play 'Star Wars'
*Pushing happy kiddos on the swings
*Singing the ABCs with a chorus of young singers
*Laughing at silly jokes that don't always make sense
*Getting the play by play of what's happening in their world
*Being sought after to listen to news, accomplishment, hurt, or just for a hug
*A soft touch on my face
*A train whistle
*Looking in each of my children's beautiful faces as I watch them learn and grow
There is not one place I could dream of that would be better than being surrounded by my sweet children and dear husband. These are just a few of those moments I wish I could hang on to forever.