Circle of Life

Sometimes things come up in life that direct your thinking toward life's meaning. Am I living as well as I should? How am I spending my time? Am I anxiously engaged in a good cause? Will I have another chance to prove myself? Will I do well with that chance?

I'm not dying, at least not that I know of :-), but few of us really know how long we have left on earth. Whenever you see or hear of someone who is given a length of time to live, you hear of them becoming the people they were always afraid to become, doing things they were always afraid to do...and if by some miracle they survive, their lives are all the better for living and doing and being for the time they believed they were nearly through with this journey. What would I do if I had a limited time left? If I knew I only had a certain amount of time, how would I spend it?

Maybe I should think about working a little harder to become the person I hope to be...you never know how much time you have left- and even if it's many, many years, wouldn't I rather live it knowing I was living it well?

I don't know what I'd change- I certainly wouldn't beat myself up about not having the baseboards cleaned...though I've been doing a fair amount of worrying about it ever since this afternoon when I began cleaning them and didn't finish.

I wouldn't need to go in and cuddle my babies- I did that at bedtime. I even had an extra few moments with Katie where she just laid on my chest while I rocked her and stroked her hair and face. I thought as I held her, 'this is perfect.'

I'd dance with James, but we did that quite a bit off and on yesterday in the 'new room' we've created together- he built the wall, I painted and decorated- it's really peaceful and just what I had hoped.

I'd laugh and sing and play...just like I did in preschool today when I watched Tyler singing his little heart out and thought, 'watching my child happily singing is what joy is all about.'

I'd cheer on Logan and tell him how wonderful I think he is...but I was able to do that today when he walked in after school and shared his excitement at earning a prize from the policeman at school because he was the only student to recite the safety poem they were given last week.

I'd hug my sweet Luke, but I send him 'I love you' wishes as often as I can throughout the day- and I know he hears me every time...and for right now, I truly find peace in knowing he's near and that he's safely working while waiting for us in Heaven.

I guess what I'm realizing is that I really live a charmed life. My dream life. I have everything I want and the things I want that I can't have right now I truly believe I'm working to achieve. I'm not perfect by any means, there's tons of room for improvement. And I love improving- I love planning- I love trying to be better. I also love knowing that tonight at the end of the day, even if this was the last one, it'd have been a great last one. I hope to live each day from here on out in a way that would allow me to think this as my head hits the pillow:'if it had to end today, today was a great one to end on.'

When I first saw this picture I thought it was a sunrise. I read the caption and realized it was a sunset. I guess that's kind of what this post is all about. When the sun is setting on one part of life, it's rising in another- we just have to take advantage of the chance a new day offers...and make it a great one to end on...