I've always loved throwing rocks into the water. My little ones seem to have inherited this trait as well. We spent the morning doing just that at a local park. As I sat on the peaceful pebble-filled beach watching the very rocky waves, I thought about things that hold us back- fears, anger, regret, etc. I believe strongly that anything that's bothering us can be turned over to our Savior, Jesus Christ, and He will take that burden upon Himself without question. So, why do the thoughts and fears remain sometimes?
I think it's because our brains crave a physical 'letting go.' We wouldn't hang up the phone without closing the conversation- and if we did, we'd feel the unrest of guilt or unfinished business until we talked to the person again and apologized or worked out the problem. Our brains don't like to leave things unfinished! If something is unfinished, it seems to come up all the time- even when we're not in a position to fix it at that moment. Our brains also seem to like physical evidence of accomplishment. I don't usually consider a task completely finished until I've checked it off of my 'to do' list...regardless of the fact that the item listed is already completed. I think our brains don't just need physical evidence of completing things, they crave it.
Today as I sat listening to my boys challenge one another to throw the rocks further and further, I began to think about throwing rocks. I picked one up, and held it for a very long time. As I sat there holding that rock that fit so perfectly in my hand, I thought of all the fears I could- everything that was bothering me or could possibly bother me. It actually didn't take too long, so I decided to pray as well. I imagined each of my fears going into that rock after I turned them over to my Savior. I held the rock until I was ready to let it go- the rocks, and all the fears that I had placed on it. I threw it as far as it could go. You know what? I felt free.
I know I'm human- I know my fears won't forever stay out of my mind, but there's something to be said for the peace I've felt all day- the joy I've felt as I've been able to enjoy my family and all the crazy aspects of family life...and the lack of time devoted to fear. Surely I'll feel fear again- fear of rejection, fear that I'm not doing my best, fear that my best won't cut it...but I like the idea that all it'll take to find peace is a prayer to my Father in Heaven, pouring out my soul, and perhaps throwing a rock as far as I can so my brain remembers I really did let it go.
